BRIE DE DEBRIS

The third entry in a feature called “Cheese’s Hidden Gems”. These are profiles of cheeses I personally consider to be special because each of them offer a thrilling and unique experience, if you can find them! Brie De Debris is perhaps the most memorable cheese I’ve ever had, as in it’s been six years and I can still kinda taste it. Enjoy (and if you do, please share)!

This indelicate round of earthy yellow paste is one of those cheeses you hear about and roll your eyes over and over until your eyelids begin to smoke, but, and yet, you still think to yourself, “for sure still gotta try it tho”.

Then, one day, you are at the big annual cheese convention, and there it is. You see it and you stand there in your cleverest outfit (blue plaid suit!?) and you’re making sure everyone around you has a chance to see you see the cheese, and then you walk straight for it.

Brie De Debris marks the herald of a lost age of difficult cheese that never was and certainly still could never be. A hasty affair in its innovation, this is the only cheese on the globe to feature whole chunks of spruce bark swimming throughout its gooey curd.

According to the head cheesemaker, Flip “Phillip” Milka, the craftsman behind this five-inch wheel of derring-do, the idea to basically fill the cheese with driftwood was “a wonderful mistake” that he “can never fix” because he has “no more milk” and that “his cow has run away.”

“Some people, they love the taste of wood they cannot eat. Consider this my homage to them,” Milka declared, smiling with his tongue out and crossing his eyes.

This cheese is obviously seasonal, but if you do see it in your local shop, pair with it with a bottle of Clos d’Illuminati et Famiglia et Famiglia to try and wash down the wood chunks. As for vintage, any bottle from when there was terrible weather should work. If you get a bottle from a nice, sunny vintage, it’s going to f*ck everything up.

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